Trump wins debate by fatality

If you can make it through this without falling out of your seat, then more power to you. I, however, am on the floor…

The Mud Lake Proboscis

By Reba Colander, Proboscis Political Correspondent

wedgie Trump set the tone for the debate early on, giving Jeb Bush an “atomic wedgie.”

GREENVILLE, SC—After months of bitter debate, divisive campaigning, accusations, and name-calling that would embarrass elementary school children, the most recent Republican debate took a turn for the gruesome, leaving Donald Trump the Republican candidate by default after the aging tycoon brutally murdered his primary opponents.

The debate started like any other. The candidates filed onto stage, smiling and waving amongst scattered applause and boos. The moderator began with a question about the recent death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, and the candidates weighed in. After that initial exchange, the debate heated up as the candidates threw increasingly vicious personal attacks at each other.

“Donald Trump is a stinky poopy pants!” exclaimed Jeb Bush.

“I’m rubber,” replied Trump, jabbing his finger at the podium, “you’re glue. Bounces off me…and…

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